


Sugaring Off (Or, The 2012 Global Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve Heist Recovery Roadtrip, Starring Ray and Ray)

by Scribe, Seascribe



Category: due South
Genre: Canada, Case Fic, Epistolary, Getting Together, M/M, Postcards, Roadtrip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2018-02-14 10:40:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2188677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scribe/pseuds/Scribe, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seascribe/pseuds/Seascribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being an account of the international pursuit and apprehension of one sticky-fingered Canadian criminal as reported in the personal correspondence of two former members of the Chicago Police Department.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sugaring Off (Or, The 2012 Global Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve Heist Recovery Roadtrip, Starring Ray and Ray)

**Author's Note:**

> So, Scribe and I went on this roadtrip through Canada, after the due South convention. And on the way, this happened.

Image: a postcard showing a wide view of Niagara Falls, both the Canadian and American sides, with the words "NIAGARA FALLS" in green across the top

Postcard addressed to:  
Benton Fraser

P.O. Box 139

187 McKenzie Rd

Inuvik NT X0E 0T0

Canada

 

Dear Fraser,

When I agreed to help you track down a maple syrup thief (really???) I DID NOT think I would wind up in New York.  Your suspect with the syrupy license plate turns out to be a guy named Sharbonno (or something like that, I dunno, ask Vecchio).  When he cought wind that we were after him, he booked it for the border, so here we are.  You're lucky I hate being retired more than I hate being stuck in a car with Vecchio...though I might change my mind about that soon.  Why did you have to get him involved in this too?

\--Ray

* * *

 

Image: a postcard depicting many Canadian scenes. The right side is a large image of an inukshuk against a sunset. The left side is made up of many small images. Clockwise: a winding road on a hilly green coast, a yellow grain field under a blue sky with clouds, rock formations off a coast, the text "Canada" against a background of red maple leaves (this is the center of the image), a Mountie saluting with a lake and mountain range in the background, a waterfall at sunset, a river in an autumnal forest, snow-covered trees and ground against a blue sky.

 

Postcard addressed to:

Const. Benton Fraser

P.O. Box 139

187 McKenzie Rd

Inuvik NT X0E 0T0

 

Dear Benny,  
You owe me big time.  It took us an hour and a half to get across the border into Canada and the custom agent smiled at me.  What is wrong with you people?  That has gotta be the worst job in the world.  I'm sure you know this, but my PI license is just a piece of paper up here, and Kowalski's just a civilian these days. So we can do our best to track down your guy, but you're gonna have to wrap up whatever beaver smuggling thing you're stuck on up there and come make your own arrest.

\--Ray

P.S. I can't believe you dragged Kowalski into this too.  If he doesn't stop twitching, he's gonna ride in the trunk the rest of the way.

 

* * *

  


Image: a white background, mostly taken up with an image of a wolf walking through an autumnal forest, looking at the viewer. The left side has four red maple leaves and the right side says "CANADA" in block letters that are filled in with foliage texture.

 

Postcard addressed to:

 Benton Fraser

P.O. Box 139

187 McKenzie Rd

Inuvik NT X0E 0T0

 

Dear Fraser,

Why didn't you tell me there was stuff like this in Canada?  I bet you've never been here.  You don't know what you're missing. They have 17 different kinds of pie and a candy store that looks like Willy Wonka's chocolate factory, but better, and everything you ever made with an apple, including apple donuts. Dief would've loved it. :) I tried to get Vecchio to play mini-golf, but he wouldn't. Probably because he knew I'd kick his ass.

\--Ray

 

* * *

 

Image: A postcard with the header "BIG THINGS IN CANADA". Three images are below. Left to right: the Toronto harbor/downtown/CN Tower, labeled "TORONTO", a building shaped like an enormous apple, labeled "The Big Apple", an aerial view of Niagara Falls, labeled "NIAGARA FALLS"

 

 Postcard addressed to:

Const. Benton Fraser

P.O. Box 139

187 McKenzie Rd

Inuvik NT X0E 0T0

 

Dear Benny,

You would not believe the place Kowalski made me pull off to see. I thought he'd caught sight of Charbonneau, but it turned out that he just wanted a sugar fix.  It's like driving with a six-year-old.  He came back with 3 bags of stuff, can you believe it?  Looks like your guy is headed for Toronto.  We're about a day and a half behind him.  Don't know what he's doing there, but then I don't know what anybody would do with 6 million pounds of maple syrup anywhere.  I don't even want to know.

 

\--Ray

[under an image of an anthropomorphized apple family] Seriously, what the hell?

 

* * *

 

  


Image: a postcard of the Canadian flag

Postcard addressed to:

Benton Fraser

P.O. Box 139

187 McKenzie Rd

Inuvik NT X0E 0T0

 

 

Tracked Charbonau to Toronto.

LEAFS STILL SUCK

 

* * *

 

Image: A postcard of Toronto lit up at night, seen from across the water. It has the text "Toronto" across the top and "CANADA" across the bottom.

Postcard addressed to:

Const. Benton Fraser

P.O. Box 139

187 McKenzie Rd

Inuvik NT X0E 0T0  
  
Dear Benny,  
Bad news.  We lost Charbonneau's trail.  Put some feelers out, but in the meantime, we're stuck killling time in Toronto.  Kowalski refuses to eat anything but poutine (which, by the way, is disgusting).  He also insisted on spending 4 hours at the Hockey Hall of Fame and made me take a million pictures of him with the Stanley Cup.  It's like he thinks they named it after him or something.

 

* * *

Image: a postcard depicting a calm lake bordered by an autumnal forest. In the foreground is a wooden dock with two empty chairs looking out. The text "Ontario" is written over the sky in the upper right.

 

Postcard addressed to:

Benton Fraser

P.O. Box 139

187 McKenzie Rd

Inuvik NT X0E 0T0

 

Dear Fraser,

We are back on the road!  Vecchio managed to pick up Charrboneu's trail again last night.  I guess he's an okay detective after all.  Looks like we're headed for Quebec.  Vecchio even let me drive the new Riv a little!  
(But only when it was a choice between that and falling asleep at the wheel)   
[sketch of a tiny spiky-haired stick-figure driving a car]  


\--Ray

 

* * *

 

 

Image: a postcard depicting four scenes. Clockwise from top left: a church in a sunny, snowy landscape with evergreens, calm water with a person on one side and a road with two houses and autumnal trees on the other, a yellow house and evergreen trees in a snowstorm, a stream or river in an autumnal forest under a blue sky. The words "Le Québec" are written in the bottom right corner.

 Postcard addressed to:  
Const. Benton Fraser

P.O. Box 139

187 McKenzie Rd

Inuvik NT X0E 0T0

  
  
Dear Benny,  
I thought they were bilingual in Canada!  I've gotten lost twice because I couldn't read the street signs.  What kind of civilized country doesn't have street signs in one of its official languages?  The kind that puts gravy and cheese on fries, I guess.  Kowalski still won't eat anything else.  The Riv stalled out on the highway.  What do you people put in your gas?  Kowalski got her up and running again, so I guess it's good that he came along after all.  If you cost me another Riv, I'm never speaking to you again.  We have a saying in our national sport--3 strikes and you're out.

 

* * *

Image: a view of downtown Montreal under a pink sunrise, taken from above and framed by foliage. The text "Montréal" is written in the bottom right corner.

Postcard addressed to:

Benton Fraser

P.O. Box 139

187 McKenzie Rd

Inuvik NT X0E 0T0

 

Dear Fraser,

Vecchio left me stop at 2 cheese places (cheese factories?  Cheeseries?  The signs just have a picture of cheese and some French, I don't know what they're called) without even bitching about it.  He loves me, really.

The poutine here is so much better than it was in Toronto.  Why didn't you ever tell me about poutine?  What kind of friend are you, keeping something like that from your partner all these years?  Not buddies.

\--Ray

 

* * *

 

Image: Downtown Montreal and part of the harbor, lit up at night. The text "Montréal" is written in the top left.

 

[ ](http://imgur.com/DjlcCgu)

Postcard addressed to:

Const. Benton Fraser

P.O. Box 139

187 McKenzie Rd

Inuvik NT X0E 0T0

 

Dear Benny,  
This might be kind of a personal question, but I was just wondering...when you and Kowalski were sharing sleeping bags up in the Arctic back in '99, were you just sharing sleeping bags or were you, you know, sharing sleeping bags?  Because Kowalski and I kind of accidentally shared a sleeping bag last night, if you know what I mean.  Anyway, we're closing in on Charbonneau.  Hope you can get down here soon.

\--Ray

* * *

 

Image: a postcard showing downtown Montreal under a blue sky, taken from across the water. The text "Montréal" is written in the top left.

 

Postcard addressed to:

Benton Fraser

P.O. Box 139

187 McKenzie Rd

Inuvik NT X0E 0T0

 

Dear Fraser,

I think I might have fucked up.

I'm pretty sure I fucked up.

Yeah, I definitely fucked up.

Big time.

Shit.

 

* * *

 

[ ](http://imgur.com/6Dx2a2Q)

Image: a vertical postcard showing three scenes of Quebec. Top to bottom: a waterfall into a small stream in an autumnal forest, a much larger waterfall with greenery in the foreground and on the far side, a bridge over a large river in more autumnal forest. The text "Le Québec" is written in the bottom right.

Postcard addressed to:

Const. Benton Fraser

P.O. Box 139

187 McKenzie Rd

Inuvik NT X0E 0T0

 

Dear Benny,

Charbonneau is on the move again, so we are too.  Info says he's headed for Quebec, even though we're in Quebec?  So that's not confusing at all.  I guess that means Quebec City?  You guys have gotta come up with some more original names.  I'm kind of worried about Kowalski. He's just staring out the window and not talking to me, even when I left the radio on French pop all morning.  If he keeps this up, I will not be held responsible for my actions.

\--Ray

* * *

 

 

Image: a postcard showing two wolves standing close together in a snowy landscape. The word "Canada" is written in red and underlined in green in the upper right.

Postcard addressed to:

Benton Fraser

P.O. Box 139

187 McKenzie Rd

Inuvik NT X0E 0T0

 

Dear Fraser,  
We're closing in on whatsisname.  I hope you're almost here, 'cause if Vecchio and I catch him, the only containment cell we've got is the trunk of the Riv, and I'm pretty sure that's illegal. 

At least me and Vecchio are getting along now, which I know you always wanted us to do. Heh.

\--Ray

* * *

 

 

Image: a postcard showing a maple leaf that is turning from green to red, against a black background. The word "CANADA" is written under the leaf.

Postcard addressed to:

Const. Benton Fraser

P.O. Box 139

187 McKenzie Rd

Inuvik NT X0E 0T0

 

Dear Benny,

It was good to see you!  Even though we did have to come all the way to your natural habitat to do it. Next time, it's your turn to visit Chicago.

Good luck escorting Charbonneau to trial.  Can't say I'm sorry to see the last of him or his 6 million pounds of maple syrup.  I'm sending you the bill for my suit.  And my shoes.  Now if you'll excuse me, Kowalski needs help washing the maple syrup out of his hair.

\--Ray

* * *

 

 

  


Image: a postcard showing nighttime Chicago with several tall, lit buildings and a blur of lights and people at the bottom, all reflected in the Cloud Gate sculpture which is in the foreground. The word "ILLINOIS" is written across the top, and "CHICAGO" at the bottom right.

 

Postcard addressed to:

Benton Fraser

P.O. Box 139

187 McKenzie Rd

Inuvik NT X0E 0T0

Canada

 

[in blue ink, Kowalski's handwriting]  
Dear Fraser,

We saw you on the news!  Are you some kind of national hero now?  Do you get a medal?  Or a lifetime supply of maple syrup?

[in black ink, Vecchio's handwriting]

Anyway, we wanted to let you know that we got back to Chicago safely ([inserted in blue ink, Kowalski's handwriting] No thanks to Vecchio's driving).  Next time, let's plan a visit in advance.  No more of this sending us on impromptu international roadtrips because you licked somebody's license plate.

\--Ray & Ray [the second Ray is marked out, with "Stanley" written above it in Vecchio's handwriting.  "Stanley" is marked out with "Ray" written in Kowalski's handwriting and firmly underlined]

[in blue ink, Kowalski's handwriting]  P.S. Maybe I picked up a brain injury in [arrow indicating Canada in the address] but I'm partners in Vecchio's PI business now.  Haven't killed each other yet!


End file.
